What your trainers say about you

Whether we like it or not, we get judged by the shoes we wear. Though that seems like a ridiculous Victorian notion, there is science to back it up. With this in mind, let’s take a look at trainers and what they say about you.

New Balance

New Balance found a niche of being both the number one trainer of the Dadcore movement and as the shoe of the hipster. Then everything changed. Matthew LeBretton, New Balance’s vice president of public affairs declared “The Obama administration turned a deaf ear to us and frankly, With President-elect Trump, we feel things are going to move in the right direction.” This brought about a Twitterstorm with long-time New Balance Wearers binning their shoes. This led to the crazed Neo-Nazis that write for the Daily Stormer, a racist, white supremacist blog to declare New Balance as “The official shoes of white people” – by that they mean ethno-nationalist white people or as they used to be called racists and Nazis.


Old School Vans

Vans are the skater shoe of choice, but in this country, where skateboarding is only done by people who watched too many Hollywood films and played Tony Hawk on the PlayStation, they are the reserve of Sum 41 fans and Emos who aren’t cool enough to wear Converse Chuck Taylor’s.


Converse Chuck Taylors

Converse Chuck Taylors are one of the oldest trainers in existence, dating back to 1917, and they’re looking pretty good for 100. The shoe of choice for slackers and Emos everywhere, they say “I listen to My Chemical Romance.”


Adidas Originals

When I’m talking about Adidas Originals I really don’t mean the new futuristic styles, we’re talking about the classics – Gazelle, Campus, München etc. To the people who wear them, they are rocking a classic style. To others they say “chav” or “I listen to Oasis and Shed Seven.”


Nike Air Force 1s

Nike Air Force 1s used to be the reserve of NBA enthusiast, but today they are a favourite of your nightclubbers, hip-hop aficionados and spice boys. They scream I smoke large amounts of a cannabis or I take ecstasy pills on a regular basis


Adidas Yeezy’s

Designed by Kanye West, these horrendous trainers cost stupid amounts of money and are some of the most faked trainers on earth. Why? I have no idea. These scream “I have far more money than sense” because you’ve either queued overnight to get them, spent more than their already ridiculous price tag to buy them on eBay, or you’ve bought fakes, which also cost a fortune. The only way you’d buy these is if you think Kanye West is good. In which case you are a complete idiot.

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